(Why the weird spelling, you ask? It's Saaspel. The link above takes you back to sanity.)

Th UK Bordr Ājnsi ofurz yu th oprtyuniti tu fīnd aut wot thā nō abaut yu, bī a so-could Subject Axes Riqest (SAR), for th bahrgn prīs ov £10. Ī woz just tū cyorius tu rizist…

Nd abaut a muntt aftr sending mī riqest, Ī got a big envlōp with lots ov pāprz in it. Thr wur ol th formz Ī sent them, ol th letrz wer wē hagld abaout wen Ī wud send them mī pasport, nd sum scrēnshots ov a Windōz-bāsd aplicāshn shōing priti much th sām infrmāshn Ī wrōt in th formz, nd mī foto.

Ī must sā that Ī xpectd them tu send recordz ov evri tīm Ī entrd or left thē UK, so Ī'm a bit disapointd. (R mī travl habits so boring tu them?) It wud hav bēn rathr cnvēniunt, tu hav an outtoritativ plās tu luk up in wot cauntri Ī woz at a surtn dāt. Ī ges Ī shud bē hapi that ther survālns iz limitd…

Th UK Bordr Ājnsi ofurz yu th oprtyuniti tu fīnd aut wot thā nō abaut yu, bī a so-could Subject Axes Riqest (SAR), for th bahrgn prīs ov £10. Ī woz just tū cyorius tu rizist…